I'm not really a collector of things. Knickknacks don't do anything for me except create more dusting opportunities and trust me, I have plenty of those opportunities already being neglected. Shoes are nice, but no matter how many I end up with, I always fall back on a trusty pair or two that do their job day in-day out. Coins seem like a man's domain and I really can't be trusted with cash money lying around itching to be spent. Books might be the closest thing to a collection I have, but it seems as if my collection is constantly changing. They're more like a consumable product to me. Read one, lend one, borrow one, give one...they are hardly a collectors item.
The one thing I do tend to accummulate everywhere I go is friends. It's probably the middle child in me wanting to belong someplace, forcing strangers into my inner circle completely unsuspecting. Maybe it stems from a childhood fantasy started by reading too many Babysitters Club books that someday I would have a tight group that did everything together...best friends, business partners, neighbors....and I would be the president, the hub, connecting everyone together. In many ways I see myself trying to live out that fantasy everywhere I go. It never exists so I get busy creating it. In my real world I've amassed this amazing friend collection, if you can call it that. I feel like I have the distinct privilege of knowing some of the most beautiful, accomplished, intelligent, spirited, gifted, strong, hilarious, deep, motivated, caring people on the planet. And I call them friends...lucky me!
The problem is, I've never quite been the perfect "president of the club" of my childhood dreams. A collection of friends requires a bit more than the occasional "dusting" or sorting. My collection is alive and I am completely unable to be the "hub" that I would love to be. When I think about sending out Christmas cards and how many stamps it would take to mail even a yearly greeting to those I would want to greet, I feel overwhelmed (and broke). My kids can't stand it when I'm a "phone head" for too long so I hardly ever call people. Email increases my ability to stay connected these days, but I can't even maintain regular email contact with everyone in my life who has had an impact on me. The capacity of my heart for love far outweighs the capacity of my time to convey that love to those on whom I would want to pour it out. In short, I am a stinky friend and a far cry from any decent "club president."
As I contemplated this thought recently, it occurred to me that there is One who can keep track of far more "friends" than I could ever imagine. He knows what you all are doing and thinking all the time. He never forgets your birthday or your kids' names. He is never too busy to talk or off-line. His Christmas card doesn't require a stamp because he sent it once for all time. He is the perfect hub, holding all things together. He doesn't need to be the president because He's already the King. When I think about His capacity to be all that to all people at all times, it really blows my mind! I think about the small fraction of people I call friends or acquaintances (and I think it's a lot), and how impossible it is to stay connected deeply to everyone, I am even more amazed by the omnipotence and omnipresence of God. Really, don't you think it's absolutely unbelievable?!?
The Bible says that Jesus knew what the people around him were thinking..."knowing their thoughts...." It also says that God hears us, he knows our inmost thoughts, wherever we go he is there. All of us. All the time. Not just me and the people I know, but all of the people I have yet to meet and those I will never know. He is the real hub and that means I don't have to be. That's good. A relief actually. I can leave my notions of being the perfect president in the realm of fiction where they belong because if it's all resting on me to hold it all together, we're in big trouble!
Friday, January 18, 2008
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Procrastination!!!
So I was going to do a "Year In Review" of our family...inspired by all of the wonderful Christmas letters we've been receiving. I even started it. But I got so overwhelmed by having to remember all that has happened in the last year and then even more overwhelmed about finding the time to sit down and write the whole thing. I've been procrastinating and, therefore, not blogging. Today I made the executive decision that I am scrapping the "Year In Review" and returning to my random posts which, although irregular, are not quite so irregular as the past 2 months. Sometimes even the best ideas need to be abandoned so as to make forward progress. Thanks for understanding!
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Back from Buffalo
We are officially back from our long, full, wonderful trip to Buffalo. It was awesome to see friends and family and get a little taste of home. Thank you Mom & Dad for letting us descend on your homes and create mess and noise and general chaos. Thank you friends for hosting us and feeding us and bringing people together so that we could do more visiting and less running to and fro. It was awesome.
I only hope Bo can stay longer next time. We missed each other like mad and MJ said yesterday on our journey back to Nebraska that he didn't remember daddy. I assured him that he would recognize him in the airport as soon as he saw him...and he did, of course. I have a renewed appreciation for those women who are separated from their husbands who travel for work or the military or whatever takes them away. For boys especially, I think it's important to have regular wrestling time with dad...someone who can take them down a few pegs and remind them that they are little. MJ got a little too big for his britches a few times and I was really missing Bo's size and authority in the situation. I just think there's something about a dad that boys have to have.
OK, it's back to real life. I've got to get the bags unpacked and laundry started and assess the bare fridge situation. It was nice to have a break from my normal "duties," but I'm ready for the routine again.
I only hope Bo can stay longer next time. We missed each other like mad and MJ said yesterday on our journey back to Nebraska that he didn't remember daddy. I assured him that he would recognize him in the airport as soon as he saw him...and he did, of course. I have a renewed appreciation for those women who are separated from their husbands who travel for work or the military or whatever takes them away. For boys especially, I think it's important to have regular wrestling time with dad...someone who can take them down a few pegs and remind them that they are little. MJ got a little too big for his britches a few times and I was really missing Bo's size and authority in the situation. I just think there's something about a dad that boys have to have.
OK, it's back to real life. I've got to get the bags unpacked and laundry started and assess the bare fridge situation. It was nice to have a break from my normal "duties," but I'm ready for the routine again.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Allthebody & The lost tooth
Shrek has coined yet another new expression. His version of the word "everybody," which shows that he understands the meaning of what he is saying, although not gramatically correct, is "allthebody." He usually uses the word in extreme expressions of emotions, for example, "I love allthebody." Or, lately, "I hate allthebody." Drama. Sometimes he says both phrases within minutes of each other. Such is the short lived mood swing of a toddler!
Shrek also understands the concept of a birthday and is really looking forward to his coming up. He often holds up 2 fingers and says, "I dis numbah." Then he carefully figures out how to put up another finger and says, "I gonna dis numbah." MJ thinks the Shrek needs to learn the actual names of the numbers so I encouraged him to teach him. We'll see how that goes.
In other kid news, MJ lost his first tooth tonight. He was wrestling with Bo and it just popped out. A complete shock! No weeks of wiggling or tying on strings and slamming doors. Just surprise! And despite MJ's recent development of the fear of blood, he was not traumatized, but seemed proud of his "grown up" status. Plus we told him to hold onto it so he can put it under his pillow for the tooth fairy. We put it in a special ring box and he asked for more clarification as to exactly where the tooth should go under the pillow. "Do I put it inside the pillow case?" he wanted to know. I told him to just make sure the tooth fairy can reach it easily.
This begs an important question. How much does the tooth fairy leave for a tooth these days? When I was a kid, she left a quarter. A quarter today just doesn't have the same buying power. So I'm wondering if the tooth fairy adjusts for inflation. I guess we'll find out tonight. But I'd be curious to hear what the tooth fairy leaves for your kids, if they've lost teeth recently (wink, wink).
Shrek also understands the concept of a birthday and is really looking forward to his coming up. He often holds up 2 fingers and says, "I dis numbah." Then he carefully figures out how to put up another finger and says, "I gonna dis numbah." MJ thinks the Shrek needs to learn the actual names of the numbers so I encouraged him to teach him. We'll see how that goes.
In other kid news, MJ lost his first tooth tonight. He was wrestling with Bo and it just popped out. A complete shock! No weeks of wiggling or tying on strings and slamming doors. Just surprise! And despite MJ's recent development of the fear of blood, he was not traumatized, but seemed proud of his "grown up" status. Plus we told him to hold onto it so he can put it under his pillow for the tooth fairy. We put it in a special ring box and he asked for more clarification as to exactly where the tooth should go under the pillow. "Do I put it inside the pillow case?" he wanted to know. I told him to just make sure the tooth fairy can reach it easily.
This begs an important question. How much does the tooth fairy leave for a tooth these days? When I was a kid, she left a quarter. A quarter today just doesn't have the same buying power. So I'm wondering if the tooth fairy adjusts for inflation. I guess we'll find out tonight. But I'd be curious to hear what the tooth fairy leaves for your kids, if they've lost teeth recently (wink, wink).
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Serves Me Right!
Today was the potluck and I excitedly (and guiltily) brought my "dish" to pass. We had to go to church early for small group so I figured I could just throw it in the oven an hour before and be good to go. Well, the oven was already "on" when I got there so I just put it in and went to service. After church, I went back to grab it from the oven and it was stone cold. The oven wasn't actually "on" but was waiting for someone to type in more info on the control panel (gotta love technology--I can't even figure out how to run an oven!). SO, as far as I can tell, God, in his infinite mercy, prevented the poor potluck attendees from experiencing the Chicken Broccoli Ziti that I should have thrown away a month ago when I made it!
I now see the error of my ways and will never again attempt such a devious plan to unload gross cooking errors on unsuspecting victims. I actually can't believe I thought it was a good idea in the first place! (Neither can Bo.) For those of you who were praying for my warped conscience to be brought back into line, thank you.
I now see the error of my ways and will never again attempt such a devious plan to unload gross cooking errors on unsuspecting victims. I actually can't believe I thought it was a good idea in the first place! (Neither can Bo.) For those of you who were praying for my warped conscience to be brought back into line, thank you.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Potluck!
OK, those of you who have been tracking with me will appreciate my excitement when I tell you that we are going to a Potluck on Sunday. A very LARGE potluck where we will be able to anonymously drop off our dishes in the church kitchen. I still have 2 9x13 pans of chicken broccoli ziti in disposable pans in my freezer just waiting for such a prime opportunity!!
Now don't look at me like that. It's not like it's going to kill anyone. My family ate the other 2 pans and it wasn't that bad (with hot sauce anyway). Maybe I'll make something else in addition, just to off set the effects of the infamous CBZ. Either way-it's now or never! I just can't let this chance slip away. Think of me what you must. I am my mother's daughter and I cannot let perfectly good (well, by "good" I mean edible) Chicken Broccoli Ziti go to waste!
Now don't look at me like that. It's not like it's going to kill anyone. My family ate the other 2 pans and it wasn't that bad (with hot sauce anyway). Maybe I'll make something else in addition, just to off set the effects of the infamous CBZ. Either way-it's now or never! I just can't let this chance slip away. Think of me what you must. I am my mother's daughter and I cannot let perfectly good (well, by "good" I mean edible) Chicken Broccoli Ziti go to waste!
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Only 4 months!
The lonliness of making a major move has set in. I hesitate to even be that vulnerable for fear that some of you will read it and feel sorry for me. This is not a cry for help or an attempt to get anyone to do anything. I'm just venting OK!?
Anyway, perhaps it has something to do with the fact that we are going to be visiting Buffalo in a few weeks (notice how I carefully wrote "visiting Buffalo" not "going home"--I slip up from time to time and refer to our trip as "going home" and I remind myself that Nebraska is my new home. But I know that when I am with you, I will feel at home!). When I think about rushing around to squeeze in visits with everyone I want to see, I feel giddy with excitement. It makes me realize how much I miss my friends and family and it reminds me that I used to be connected and loved by people who knew me and loved me anyway!
Even though I know I will eventually get connected here, I am anxious for it to happen. I just have to remind myself that it has only been 4 months! Can you believe that? It has only been 4 months since we left Buffalo. In some ways it feels like forever. I get news from friends or family and I already feel so out of the loop. My house here feels very "lived in." My junk drawers show no signs of newness. Our pantry is finally stocked (after having to buy everything from baking powder to vinegar---ooh, we could do some cool science experiments with those ingredients!). I've even met a couple people who are newer to town than I am. I've been practicing saying "we" and "our" when referring to our church here. All adjustments to a new life.
In some ways, I am claiming to belong to a place where I don't yet fit and letting go of what used to be comfortable. I'm sure this first visit will be the one that feels most like a homecoming. As we sink deeper into life here in Nebraska, visiting will feel more like visiting and less like going "home." But for now, I'm looking forward to feeling at home...if only for a week or so.
Anyway, perhaps it has something to do with the fact that we are going to be visiting Buffalo in a few weeks (notice how I carefully wrote "visiting Buffalo" not "going home"--I slip up from time to time and refer to our trip as "going home" and I remind myself that Nebraska is my new home. But I know that when I am with you, I will feel at home!). When I think about rushing around to squeeze in visits with everyone I want to see, I feel giddy with excitement. It makes me realize how much I miss my friends and family and it reminds me that I used to be connected and loved by people who knew me and loved me anyway!
Even though I know I will eventually get connected here, I am anxious for it to happen. I just have to remind myself that it has only been 4 months! Can you believe that? It has only been 4 months since we left Buffalo. In some ways it feels like forever. I get news from friends or family and I already feel so out of the loop. My house here feels very "lived in." My junk drawers show no signs of newness. Our pantry is finally stocked (after having to buy everything from baking powder to vinegar---ooh, we could do some cool science experiments with those ingredients!). I've even met a couple people who are newer to town than I am. I've been practicing saying "we" and "our" when referring to our church here. All adjustments to a new life.
In some ways, I am claiming to belong to a place where I don't yet fit and letting go of what used to be comfortable. I'm sure this first visit will be the one that feels most like a homecoming. As we sink deeper into life here in Nebraska, visiting will feel more like visiting and less like going "home." But for now, I'm looking forward to feeling at home...if only for a week or so.
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