Blows my mind...

I'm not really a collector of things. Knickknacks don't do anything for me except create more dusting opportunities and trust me, I have plenty of those opportunities already being neglected. Shoes are nice, but no matter how many I end up with, I always fall back on a trusty pair or two that do their job day in-day out. Coins seem like a man's domain and I really can't be trusted with cash money lying around itching to be spent. Books might be the closest thing to a collection I have, but it seems as if my collection is constantly changing. They're more like a consumable product to me. Read one, lend one, borrow one, give one...they are hardly a collectors item.

The one thing I do tend to accummulate everywhere I go is friends. It's probably the middle child in me wanting to belong someplace, forcing strangers into my inner circle completely unsuspecting. Maybe it stems from a childhood fantasy started by reading too many Babysitters Club books that someday I would have a tight group that did everything together...best friends, business partners, neighbors....and I would be the president, the hub, connecting everyone together. In many ways I see myself trying to live out that fantasy everywhere I go. It never exists so I get busy creating it. In my real world I've amassed this amazing friend collection, if you can call it that. I feel like I have the distinct privilege of knowing some of the most beautiful, accomplished, intelligent, spirited, gifted, strong, hilarious, deep, motivated, caring people on the planet. And I call them friends...lucky me!

The problem is, I've never quite been the perfect "president of the club" of my childhood dreams. A collection of friends requires a bit more than the occasional "dusting" or sorting. My collection is alive and I am completely unable to be the "hub" that I would love to be. When I think about sending out Christmas cards and how many stamps it would take to mail even a yearly greeting to those I would want to greet, I feel overwhelmed (and broke). My kids can't stand it when I'm a "phone head" for too long so I hardly ever call people. Email increases my ability to stay connected these days, but I can't even maintain regular email contact with everyone in my life who has had an impact on me. The capacity of my heart for love far outweighs the capacity of my time to convey that love to those on whom I would want to pour it out. In short, I am a stinky friend and a far cry from any decent "club president."

As I contemplated this thought recently, it occurred to me that there is One who can keep track of far more "friends" than I could ever imagine. He knows what you all are doing and thinking all the time. He never forgets your birthday or your kids' names. He is never too busy to talk or off-line. His Christmas card doesn't require a stamp because he sent it once for all time. He is the perfect hub, holding all things together. He doesn't need to be the president because He's already the King. When I think about His capacity to be all that to all people at all times, it really blows my mind! I think about the small fraction of people I call friends or acquaintances (and I think it's a lot), and how impossible it is to stay connected deeply to everyone, I am even more amazed by the omnipotence and omnipresence of God. Really, don't you think it's absolutely unbelievable?!?

The Bible says that Jesus knew what the people around him were thinking..."knowing their thoughts...." It also says that God hears us, he knows our inmost thoughts, wherever we go he is there. All of us. All the time. Not just me and the people I know, but all of the people I have yet to meet and those I will never know. He is the real hub and that means I don't have to be. That's good. A relief actually. I can leave my notions of being the perfect president in the realm of fiction where they belong because if it's all resting on me to hold it all together, we're in big trouble!

Procrastination!!!

So I was going to do a "Year In Review" of our family...inspired by all of the wonderful Christmas letters we've been receiving. I even started it. But I got so overwhelmed by having to remember all that has happened in the last year and then even more overwhelmed about finding the time to sit down and write the whole thing. I've been procrastinating and, therefore, not blogging. Today I made the executive decision that I am scrapping the "Year In Review" and returning to my random posts which, although irregular, are not quite so irregular as the past 2 months. Sometimes even the best ideas need to be abandoned so as to make forward progress. Thanks for understanding!