Only 4 months!

The lonliness of making a major move has set in. I hesitate to even be that vulnerable for fear that some of you will read it and feel sorry for me. This is not a cry for help or an attempt to get anyone to do anything. I'm just venting OK!?

Anyway, perhaps it has something to do with the fact that we are going to be visiting Buffalo in a few weeks (notice how I carefully wrote "visiting Buffalo" not "going home"--I slip up from time to time and refer to our trip as "going home" and I remind myself that Nebraska is my new home. But I know that when I am with you, I will feel at home!). When I think about rushing around to squeeze in visits with everyone I want to see, I feel giddy with excitement. It makes me realize how much I miss my friends and family and it reminds me that I used to be connected and loved by people who knew me and loved me anyway!

Even though I know I will eventually get connected here, I am anxious for it to happen. I just have to remind myself that it has only been 4 months! Can you believe that? It has only been 4 months since we left Buffalo. In some ways it feels like forever. I get news from friends or family and I already feel so out of the loop. My house here feels very "lived in." My junk drawers show no signs of newness. Our pantry is finally stocked (after having to buy everything from baking powder to vinegar---ooh, we could do some cool science experiments with those ingredients!). I've even met a couple people who are newer to town than I am. I've been practicing saying "we" and "our" when referring to our church here. All adjustments to a new life.

In some ways, I am claiming to belong to a place where I don't yet fit and letting go of what used to be comfortable. I'm sure this first visit will be the one that feels most like a homecoming. As we sink deeper into life here in Nebraska, visiting will feel more like visiting and less like going "home." But for now, I'm looking forward to feeling at home...if only for a week or so.

I Need Privacy!

Yesterday at the Library I heard the funniest thing out of Shrek's mouth. (As a review for those who haven't been following my blog, Shrek is my younger son's alias. I know there has been some confusion about this and I don't want anyone to worry that I've suddenly started hanging out with Ogres.) Anyway, our library has bathrooms with those tiny little toilets right off the children's section....brilliant planning, by the way--I just love our local library. Skrek loves these pottys so we usually go while we're there. Well, yesterday Shrek walked into the bathroom, closed the door and when he realized I was right behind him, he opened the door back up and said emphatically, "Mommy, I need privacy!"

"Ok, Ok, " I said. And then I had a little laugh.

"Why," you ask? (After all, that is an entirely appropriate thing to say while closing the bathroom door.)

I had to laugh BECAUSE Shrek is just about the least "private" kid on the planet. He's the one who moons the camera every time we pull it out to take pictures. He's the one who prefers to be naked on any occassion. He's the one who says, "I have to go poopy...come with me mommy!" I have never witnessed Shrek closing the bathroom door in our home and whenever I turn on the water to take a shower, he runs in pulling his clothes off saying, "I want to take a shallah too!"

And now he wants privacy!

OK. Whatever. You've got it Shrek. I don't want to smell your stinky poo anyway.

The Battle of Backtalk

OK moms, I need you to weigh in on this one. We have a serious backtalk issue going on in our house and I finally have decided to go to battle on this one. Sometimes I use the common phrase, "Pick your battles" to avoid any battles with my kids. I have recently reached a point where I know that some things are worth fighting for.

The way my kids speak to me and Bo (and each other for that matter) has gotten completely out of hand. This week I am dedicating my energy to adopting a zero tolerance for rude, disrespectful speech. MJ is well aware that the war is on and he has come out with guns blazing. Yesterday I witnessed the most embarrassing and horrendous outburst on record...in public. Only one other time has MJ completely lost it in a public place like that. But I wonder if it's because mostly I indulge him in order to avoid a scene. Ugh. It's hard to turn this ship around!

So moms. Help me out. How do you deal with backtalk? What works for you? Particularly, what do you do when you're out in public? Thanks!

Touting the Benefits of "Work Dates"

I don't know if this idea will catch on...maybe it's a matter of marketing. I probably need to give it a sexier name. Maybe that will be my next contest. Anyway, here's the concept: Stay-at-home moms need each other for lots of reasons. We need adult conversations, we need to get out of the house, we need our kids to have friends and a chance to play with each other. Thus the birth of "play dates." Moms get together with their kids to play, talk and generally have social interaction. It's fabulous. It's as much for the moms as it is for the kids. Well, here's the problem I see. Maintaining a household is a ton of work. Work that is constantly being undone and can be really, really hard to even get done because of the constant interruptions from the kids. After awhile it becomes easier to load up and head out to play dates, ignoring the housework that is forever piling up. Then at some point, we have to lock ourselves in the house and "catch up" or we will be living in total chaos and our marriages will suffer.

Here's my solution: It's a throw back to the amish "bee." A good-old-fashioned "work date." Invite someone over to tackle that project that feels overwhelming (folding 52 piles of clean laundry, cleaning the refrigerator, sorting the piles of papers on the table, organizing the office...whatever it is). It's so much more fun to work on this stuff with someone else AND you can enjoy just as much conversation while scrubbing than sipping coffee. Plus, the added benefit is that while one mom handles the constant interruptions from the children, the other mom keeps the project going. It's fabulous! This is guilt-free girlfriend time. For those women who have no problem in the cleaning area, maybe you could invite someone to help you make up some home cooked freezer meals or do yardwork...whatever!

It makes so much sense, I'm not quite sure why the idea is slow to catch on. Every time I mention it, moms are like, "That's a great idea!" I think it has something to do with our pride and embarrassment that our homes aren't perfect or that we don't have it all together. The first time I asked someone for help, it was a really humbling experience. But I thought of a person who was really organized and said, "My office is unbearable and Bo is about to leave me (yes, I'm a bit melodramatic!). Please help!" She seemed delighted to do it and we had a great time. The awesome thing too was that she kept the project going long after I would have quit for the day (or week or month or year). And she didn't judge me or make me feel like a worthless failure as a wife and mom for letting my piles of paper overwhelm me. (Thanks Traci!)

Does anyone else do this? If so, tell me about it. Share your ideas! If you've never done it and decide to try it, let me know that too.

Happy working!

Why you are the way you are--Book Review

Ok the title of the book is, The Birth Order Book by Kevin Leman. The subtitle (I don't think that's the word--help me out here) is "Why you are the way you are." The Birth Order Book just doesn't grab you the same way, but when you look for it, that's the title.

Read this book. Really. We all know about birth order theory on some level (first born children are different than middles, last borns, etc.). This book not only explains some of the traits that we pick up as a result of our birth order (and the traits of our siblings and the birth order of our parents), but how relationships can click or collide based on birth order combinations. For example, there's a whole chapter on marriage and which combinations typically have fewer bumps than others. As it turns out Bo, the first born, and I (a functional baby) are a pretty smooth combination. Here I thought we had a great marriage because we are so awesome! In reality, it's because Bo is responsible for both of us! Anyway, interesting stuff.

Mom, dad, read the chapter about first born perfectionism. This chapter gave me lots of insight as to why I drive you both crazy!! Mom, I was having flash backs to our "sewing altercation" where you insisted I tear out the inseam that no one was going to see and I completely lost it. We should have read this book years ago. Dad, I know what you're going to say, "I'm not a first born." But you're the first born male so read it and check it out. Read the part about being a discouraged perfectionist. That could be you. It's definitely me. (At least in my perception...I'm open to other ideas.)

What are you? I'm taking an informal survey of my friends. I think I have a lot of first born friends actually. I'm drawn to their sense of responsibility and purpose and they must be drawn to my CRAZINESS :) Let me know what you are.

Almost a jerk

Yesterday afternoon I was outside with the boys in the front yard when our neighbor's great-grandson (same age as Shrek) came running out to play with us. His mom is pretty young (early 20's) and single. She came over to keep an eye on him and to return the sweatshirt he had borrowed the other day when I realized that the air was cool and our boys, despite their declarations that they were not cold, were indeed cold. So this mom (I'll call her Lucy so that I can stop referring to her as my neighbor's granddaughter), Lucy, and I started chatting. It was sort of a strained conversation since we don't know each other well and don't seem to have much in common. She asked, "So do you guys go out on the weekends?" At first I didn't really know what she was talking about so I started talking about spending family time on weekends and catching up on things around the house and going to watch Bo play softball. I could tell that's not what she was talking about so I grasped for clarification, "Out? You mean...?" She clarified, "You know, out to like the bars and stuff?"

Oh, out to like the bars and stuff. Hmm. Let me think. Well, uh, nope. I started to ramble about being too old for that and not having a babysitter and really wanting to say that it's not really our scene and that going out drinking is a waste of money and time....and then I realized that she was just being nice and in fact, wanted to invite us to go out with her on Saturday night. Ugh! That's when I realized that I was almost a complete JERK! I was about to start some kind of lecture about growing up and being responsible or something when all she was doing was inviting me into her world. And then I was glad that I hadn't postulated the benefits of spending weekends in church! That would surely have negated any invitations...perhaps ever.

So now we have the opportunity to get to know Lucy on her turf, Red Necks happens to be the name of it--yes, welcome to Nebraska! What's your vote? Saturday night at Red Necks? Yes or no?

By Request--Chicken Broccoli Ziti (Non-scorched version)

1 cup margarine
1 cup flour
8 cups milk
salt and pepper to taste
4 cups cooked chicken, chopped
2 pounds broccoli, steamed
2 pounds cheddar cheese, grated
2 boxes ziti (or whatever shaped pasta you'd like) cooked al dente

Make white sauce: melt margarine in a large heavy pan. Add flour stirring constantly. When mixture reaches the boiling point, add milk mixing constantly with a wire whisk. ***This is very important to avoid scorching your white sauce. Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT try to multitask here. Just stand there and stir. *** Heat until almost boiling, stirring constantly. Remove from heat. Place cooked chicken, broccoli and pasta into four 8x8 inch baking pans. Pour white sauce over all. Sprinkle each pan with grated cheese. Cover pans with foil, label and freeze.

To serve:
Thaw. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes (or when bubbly).

And he's back!

After all that stressing out, Bo's schedule is changing again. His company offered him the chance to work back in Papillion 3 days a week and downtown 2 days a week. (The other option was to stay at the other clinic but only work 4 days a week.) We decided that it would be better to have him close while we can. Of course I have to laugh at myself because I've been so worked up about all the what ifs. Then the moment I surrender and say, "No more worrying about this," everything changes again.

All this has pointed to the fact that I am so wrapped up in my circumstances. Will I ever get over that?!?

Funny kid thoughts...

Shrek was singing a song the other day that I thought was quite brilliant, for a 2-year-old. He sang, "Nobody burped. Yesbody burped. Nobody burped. Yesbody burped." Aside from the fact that he has an obession with bodily functions, I thought it was pretty interesting that he had decided that the opposite of "nobody" is "yesbody." Makes sense to me! I got a good giggle out of it. I hope you do too!

MJ cracks me up too! He woke up not feeling great this morning. Both boys have been struggling with a cough for the last few days, but I guess the symptoms are increasing. I took MJ's temperature this morning to rule out a fever. It was about 98.7 degrees. When I told him it was only barely above normal, he got wide eyed, pretended to lick something and whispered, "Goose feather!" Yesterday, while we were out for a walk, he found a goose feather and licked it. I told him not to do that, which of course was met with a, "Why?" So I explained that geese might have germs and diseases that we don't want to expose our bodies to. Little did I know it would cause great concern that he may indeed have contracted some kind of goose disease. Just when you think your kids aren't listening to you!

On Being "Choked"

We just joined a small group at our new church, although it feels weird to call it "our" church as we're so new and not feeling at home quite yet. Anyway, we were studying the passage of scripture about the sower and the seed and how the various kinds of soil make a huge difference as to how well a plant grows (Matthew 13). I found myself realizing that I have been choking lately. Without even being aware of it, I have allowed the "cares of the world and the pursuit of wealth" choke out the joy of living moment by moment in the presence of God.

Example: Some of you know that Bo was transferred to an office 17 miles from where we are renting a house. We have a one year lease, but I seem to think that I need to worry about whether or not we are going to move at the end of this year. I fret about whether or not we can afford to buy a house. I fret about where we may move. I worry about whether or not we can pay back the debt we incurred while Bo was in school. I question getting involved in groups in our part of town since we may not stay long. I stress about where MJ would go to school if we move. Choking....choking....choking. Not thriving...thriving...thriving. While I am wrapped up in calculating every inch of my future, I am making my mind and heart weary.

Pray for me that I will jump into some good soil...weed free soil...a place where I can see the light and experience joy in the process.

Check This Out!

My friend Grace just shared this with me. It's about a 5 minute video on YouTube. Check it out and let me know what you think.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480L