OK I had the most hilarious blog post planned for this photo until something really un-hilarious happened this week. Truly. You would have cracked up all day after reading it, but sadly I am not meant to be funny. I keep telling God that I would like to keep it all very light and fun and keep a lid on the hard parts of life, but He simply won't let me.
What happened, you ask? Well, one day my wonderful husband had a great job with flexible hours and good benefits and a boss and co-workers and patients who liked him and everything seemed fine and then the next day he didn't and it wasn't. Out of respect for my husband and his former employer I won't go into details about all that, only to say that I have never been more shocked and unprepared for a thing in my life.
Fairly quickly I've cycled through about all the stages of grief. The shock and disbelief. The sadness. The anger. The fear. The acceptance. Are there more? Some days I cycle back through them again just in case I missed something the first time. It's only been a few days really, I'm sure the cycle has just begun.
In all my confusion over this happening, it has been helping me to focus on what I know to be true. Here are just a few things I've settled on:
- Whoever my husband works for next is very lucky. One thing I love about Bo is that he is a person who will be better--not bitter over this. He will learn from this experience and grow from it. I even offered to share my feelings with his former boss (OK I would never do that in real life--only in my fantasy world) and his response was total compassion for him. Who responds that way? Oh, I can think of one person, but he was also God in the flesh...the same One who has gripped my husband's heart in a way that makes him kind to everyone.
- It is wise to prepare for the unexpected. Just because people like you and you get good performance reviews and raises does not mean that your job is 100% secure. If you do not have an emergency fund, please start one. Today.
- There can be joy in the midst of pain. The one thing I really appreciate about going through painful times is that it seems to awaken my senses. One day I've become so numb that I am gliding through life without feeling anything, but then the sensation of pain brings back all the feeling and I'm no longer immune to the immense joy there is to feel in this world. I don't know how else to describe it and I'm not saying I want to go through pain exactly, but I don't want to live numb either. If the low, lows are what allow for the high, highs, well, please bring me low, but please make it quick. All I know is that I am experiencing joy every day as we recount the times we've been rescued in the past and as we thank God for how he is meeting our needs today. He is faithful and there is great joy in that.
I'm sorry for not being funny. Sometimes life is the pits and there's just nothing funny to say about it. It's not to say that I've lost my sense of humor, it's just that it's hard to be witty when you're busy being bewildered and somewhat uncertain about what the future holds.
We would love you to pray with us through this. I will definitely keep everyone updated and I'll probably have more stuff to process here. If it's too heavy you can take a break for awhile and come back when our world isn't still rocking.
Til then I leave you with the real truth..."Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:2
