A Tiny Glimmer of Generosity

I just had to share that I actually witnessed a moment of generosity from one son to another. I wish I could say that it happens frequently, but alas, we have many more moments of animosity than generosity. It's not for lack of working on it. Doesn't every parent have visions of their children being best friends and filled with love and camaraderie? Why then, do we end up with our own version of the Cain and Abel story?

We were actually reading that story this morning when the glimmer happened. It could have been what inspired the act, but it's very hard to tell because we had gotten extremely side tracked. Somehow Roy got in his head that he had enough money to pay off the Alabama sunglasses we ordered online (on mom-credit). When we actually calculated things, however, he was $5 short. Roy is still working on handling disappointment in an appropriate way. Who knows, maybe his reaction to disappointment is completely appropriate for a 9 year old. He's my first one so I have to get concerned when he freaks out.

Boy was he freaking out. I had to give myself an internal pep-talk....hold your ground, hold your ground, I kept repeating in my head. I'm not big on seeing my child miserable even when I know it's not a good idea to give in when they throw a tantrum. You non-parent people reading this can go ahead and judge all you want. It's easy for me to be the tough guy when it's someone else' kid, but I have a huge soft spot for my own. This morning I was successful and I'm so glad because that's when it happened.

Rex actually ran to his room and got $5 out of his money box and gave it to Roy so that he could pay off his debt. This sounds like a small thing. In our world, $5 is no big deal, but to a 6 year old, $5 is a really big deal. So when he so freely offered this to his brother I took notice. Roy did too--he jumped on top of him to give him a giant hug.

There was a part of me that wanted to talk Rex out of it so that Roy would learn a lesson, but I stopped myself because I think a better lesson is highlighting the act of being generous...so I went with it.

It's just a glimmer, I confess, but I have hope that they will grow in this.

Obedience--The "O" in SCORE

Here are my thoughts on Obedience--for our SCORE basketball league website.

This is not one of the most talked about character traits in America. It smacks itself up against our free-spirited, individualistic culture that tells us we can do whatever we want, whenever we want. When I tell people about SCORE and what it stands for, I almost cringe when I say, “O is for Obedience.” I don’t know what I’m expecting…some kind of parental backlash declaring, “My kid is not going to be a mindless drone, blindly obeying some harsh authoritarian dictator.”

So far, no one has said that. Maybe it’s just something in me that has a hard time with obedience. I don’t want my kids to be mindless drones, but obedience has become a very important rule in our home. It is almost impossible to run a peaceful household when there is no one in charge and everything is an argument. At the same time, I don’t want my kids to merely obey because I’m bigger than them and can take away their ipod if they don’t.

Obedience comes down to two issues: Authority and Trust.

If no one is in charge, you don’t need obedience. That works OK in certain situations, but when it comes to a basketball team, a coach takes on responsibility for making decisions that impact that team. In a family, parents take on responsibility for raising kids to be independent adults. When you join a team, you are placing yourself under the authority of the coach. When you take a job, you are under the authority of a boss. When you swim at the local pool, you are under the authority of the lifeguards. When you are born, you are under your parents’ authority. When we are kids, we are not offered a choice. Until we can be fully responsible for ourselves, our responsibility is to obey the ones who are responsible for us.

The second part of obedience has to do with trust. Of course, there is an obedience motivated by fear. It’s that kind of obedience that makes us hate the word. We’ve all encountered an authority figure that has inspired our outward obedience while inwardly shooting daggers with our hearts. At the end of the day, that is not what I want from my kids. I want them to be motivated to obey because they trust me. I want them to understand that everything I ask them to do has a purpose and that I have a bigger picture in mind than meeting their every demand or catering to their comfort.

Now I don’t actually expect my kids to understand this at the moment. In fact, I am sure that neither of our boys could articulate that they want to obey us because we are trustworthy and have their best interests at heart. We have to have a rule about obeying because it does not come naturally at all. For me, I try to recognize that when they struggle to obey I need to work on building their trust in me.

Here’s the flip side of that. When kids obey, it builds our trust in them. Let me give a coaching example. Bo was coaching a flag football team this fall and he noticed that the opposing team placed all of their good flag-pullers on the outsides of the field. In the huddle, Bo told the kid who was going to receive the hand-off to run straight down the middle. What Bo saw was that the kid with the ball was so quick that their inside guys didn’t have a chance at pulling his flag. What the kid saw was a bunch of kids right in front of him and some space on the outside.

The kid ran to the outside.

The other team got to him and pulled his flag. The play was over and they ended up losing the game.

I overheard Bo saying to this kid as they trotted off the field, “I need you to trust me.”

This kid chose not to trust the seeing eyes of the coach and obey. What that ended up meaning for him is that Bo lost trust in him. When a coach sees an opportunity, he wants to give it to the one who will follow through.

On a practical level, one thing we do is talk about the times that Bo and I choose to obey. I work at home so when my kids ask why I am doing something out of the ordinary I will tell them that I am doing it because my boss asked me to and it is important to obey so that she will trust me and value me as an employee. We talk about our faith in God and how we show our love by obeying His word. It’s tempting to give them false hope that one day when they are on their own they won’t have to obey anymore. It’s true that they won’t have to obey us, but obedience is a life long process with life long rewards.

Blog Revival

Our family is wrapping up a very busy season of life. OK, it's mostly me. I am wrapping up a busy season of life by stepping out of paid ministry at our church. Two and a half years ago I was asked to consider working part time (10-15 hours) in Kids Connect on Sunday mornings overseeing our birth through preschool classes. At first I said, "Absolutely not. I do not need one more thing to juggle." But as I thought and prayed about it more, I realized that I really wanted to say yes. I don't know if it was wise. Working two jobs was definitely a stretch, even though they were both flexible. There were definitely times when I felt pulled in too many directions.

Here is what I do know. We had been continually praying for God to provide for us. I was offered a job where my employer said they would work around my current commitments doing something that fit my gifting and was meaningful. I knew that I couldn't handle it on my own, but as I prayed and sought God's direction these are the verses I believe He gave me:

"I know, O LORD, that a man's life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps."
Jeremiah 10:23

"If the LORD delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand."
Psalm 37:23-24

"A man's steps are directed by the LORD. How then can anyone understand his own way?"
Proverbs 20:24

I wrote in my journal, "God I feel like taking the job at CCC Sarpy makes no sense on the one hand. On the other hand, I really want to do it."

So I said, "Yes." It didn't make sense. I was pretty sure I would fail unless God's hand was leading. I've struggled and wrestled with feeling like I was not "enough" in just about every facet of my life from ministry work, to my full time job to motherhood to being a wife. I kept waiting for the hatchet to fall, but no one would fire me. Instead I have experienced grace everywhere.

The grace of a husband who took on laundry folding duties without being asked.

The grace of a boss who says out loud, "Thank God you came to work for me."

The grace of a boss who says, "There is always "more" you can do in ministry so good leaders say no."

The grace of volunteers who say, "We like working with you." (and I fill in...despite my lack of organization or other good qualities that I feel that I should have)

And a thousand other graces that have come in this season.

At one point during this journey I was really feeling like I could not maintain this pace, but when I would read God's Word he would take me to Nehemiah and I would read about the workers who by day would build the wall and by night become soldiers to fight off the enemy. And I would be strengthened again to continue to do what God had for me in this season.

I will share more about this season coming to an end because I am reviving my blog and have committed to myself to publish something every day. This is one of the things I feel like I must do with my "extra" time. It might not be pretty or polished, but I will push publish whether it's ready or not.

Happy New Year!

We had a pretty uneventful Christmas...snow everywhere and most of our plans were canceled. One thing we did do before the storm began was host a birthday party for Jesus. We had 6 boys (including Roy and Rex) after school for cake, games, craft and Christmas video to focus on the reason for the season. I think everyone had a great time except for the games, which resulted in tears and debates over who cheated. I mean, who knew that "Pin Mary on the Donkey" and "Hot Baby Jesus" could cause so much controversy? But then again, we're dealing with 6 highly competitive boys.

Speaking of competitive boys, Bo is trying to beat Roy and Rex's scores on Wii fit. Thanks Aunt Bree for the game. And thanks Grandpa Joe and Lori for the Wii. We're having a good time with it.

Wii wish you a happy new year everyone!!

Holy Moley...she's a girl!

We have a ton of boys in our family, but we finally have a girl cousin. My brother, Bryan, and his wife Amy have a baby girl who we finally got to meet when we went to Buffalo a few weeks ago. She is a precious little thing and my boys wanted to hold her of course. They've been asking lately for a baby sister, but that is not happening (as far as I am concerned) so they will have to settle for a cousin. I wasn't able to catch Roy in a shot, but I just love this one of Rex. He is a ham and a half....hmmm....I wonder who he takes after?

23 Diapers--now that's protection!!

I had to post these pictures, as weird as they may be. This is the scene I found this morning when I woke the boys up: Both Roy and Rex were on the top bunk (Roy's bed) fast asleep. Aaawww, how cute right? Then I noticed what Rex was wearing...a mass of pull-ups from his waist to his knees. I could not imagine why on earth he would have on so many diapers. He couldn't even move his legs, but there he was sleeping soundly as if the giant diaper cast were as comfortable as jammies.

I did what every good mom does when she finds her kids doing something bizarre--started taking pictures and posting them on the internet! (That's the beauty of living in this century--we don't have to wait a decade to submit them to the high school year book, we can begin the public embarrassment immediately.) Bo was out in the living room so I whispered, "Honey, you've got to come in and see this." We had a really good laugh, which woke up the kids. Not a bad way to wake up--both parents in fits of laughter standing next to your bed snapping photos. I can think of worse.

Anyway, we definitely needed an explanation so here's what Roy told us. After we put the boys to bed, Rex decided that he'd like to sleep in Roy's bed with him. Roy, concerned about Rex's bed wetting issue, said, "No way! You are NOT going to pee in my bed." Rex was persistent enough that Roy relented under the condition that Rex put on an additional pull-up "just in case." Rex decided to comply, but took it a few steps further. He put on every pull up he could find--23 to be exact. What could Roy say to that? There was no risk of leaking with a giant diaper leg.

A few amazing observations from mom...
1. How does one get to the top bunk when you can't move your legs to climb a ladder? (Roy says that Rex hopped.)
2. How does one sleep wrapped tightly from the waist down?
3. When we got to the bottom of the diaper stack, not one was wet! Now that is amazing--23 diapers and all of them dry.

Never a dull moment in the Buettenback household! Thanks for sharing a laugh with us...

Figuring it out....

OK, I finally decided to figure out how to post photos to my blog. Here is a recent one of the kids (although not that recent, since Rex gave up his mohawk awhile ago). This had to have been around Easter time because that's when they were really into Bionicles. Now it's all about Webkinz. I can't keep up--their interests seem to change daily. Rex looked at this picture and said, "I'm sweet." And yes, he means sweet as in awesome, not adorable. He is both though...that's why he can get away with a mohawk. Otherwise he'd just be kind of crazy lookin'.

Last week they both started swim lessons and loved it. This week, however, they're tired of it. On Monday, Rex's teachers had to bribe him with a popsicle just to get him in the water. She held him in one arm and held the popsicle out with the other one as he swam around chasing it...it was like watching an animal trainer at an aquarium, only they knew raw fish wouldn't work on him. Roy is trying to catch up with his friend Christian so he has motivation enough to keep going. As timid as he is, the competitiveness takes over and drives the fear away. Roy has passed 2 levels in 2 short weeks and yesterday he jumped off the diving board for the first time. Today is the last day and I think we're all pretty glad about it. Next week is VBS so we'll see how they do with it. I'm trying to keep them busy this summer so as not to completely feed their Webkinz addiction.

I'll try to post more, but I've tried before too so you know you can't trust me when I say that.