The lonliness of making a major move has set in. I hesitate to even be that vulnerable for fear that some of you will read it and feel sorry for me. This is not a cry for help or an attempt to get anyone to do anything. I'm just venting OK!?
Anyway, perhaps it has something to do with the fact that we are going to be visiting Buffalo in a few weeks (notice how I carefully wrote "visiting Buffalo" not "going home"--I slip up from time to time and refer to our trip as "going home" and I remind myself that Nebraska is my new home. But I know that when I am with you, I will feel at home!). When I think about rushing around to squeeze in visits with everyone I want to see, I feel giddy with excitement. It makes me realize how much I miss my friends and family and it reminds me that I used to be connected and loved by people who knew me and loved me anyway!
Even though I know I will eventually get connected here, I am anxious for it to happen. I just have to remind myself that it has only been 4 months! Can you believe that? It has only been 4 months since we left Buffalo. In some ways it feels like forever. I get news from friends or family and I already feel so out of the loop. My house here feels very "lived in." My junk drawers show no signs of newness. Our pantry is finally stocked (after having to buy everything from baking powder to vinegar---ooh, we could do some cool science experiments with those ingredients!). I've even met a couple people who are newer to town than I am. I've been practicing saying "we" and "our" when referring to our church here. All adjustments to a new life.
In some ways, I am claiming to belong to a place where I don't yet fit and letting go of what used to be comfortable. I'm sure this first visit will be the one that feels most like a homecoming. As we sink deeper into life here in Nebraska, visiting will feel more like visiting and less like going "home." But for now, I'm looking forward to feeling at home...if only for a week or so.
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