New Year Reboot

Yes, I make New Year's Resolutions. Every year. More than one actually, but they are all the same resolution really. Conventional wisdom says that you should just focus on one thing because you are more likely to stick with it. You can count on me to buck convention. I don't care what works. I want to pretend that this year I will finally become the well-organized, disciplined, productive, healthy, physically fit, highly spiritual, well-read, debt-free, immaculate housekeeper and basically perfect person I've always wanted to be.

Don't laugh.

So I sit down and write down goals. Our church has this thing called the Personal Growth Plan and I used to have to write one every year because I was on staff. Here's a link to it, if you want to see the example:

http://www.cccomaha.org/resources/docs/newsfeed/PGP2012.pdf

So I write down all kinds of stuff on there about how great I'm going to be at the end of the year.

By the end of the year, I pretty much feel like a complete failure because I'm not really how I imagined. BUT...then I look at my Personal Growth Plan from last year and realize that I actually did some of that stuff.

Let me give you an example. A few weeks ago I put all of our financial accounts in to Quicken (because we have some financial goals we need to work on so add that to my list). When I looked at our liability column I felt completely crushed and defeated. I started to think that those student loans will never go away. But then I went back to my Personal Growth Plan and one of our goals last year was to sell off our rental properties in Buffalo. By the amazing grace of God, we did. Gone. All of them sold, which is another story altogether. We didn't focus on paying down debt because we realized that we first needed to cut our losses and stop the bleeding. Then I think back to how much time and energy it took to accomplish this from afar. The phone calls, the stress, the spending half of our vacation to Buffalo working, the drama all took their toll. Now that it's over, we can move on and tackle other financial goals.

So I start the New Year hopeful.

Two years ago I committed to develop the habit of memorizing scripture in my Personal Growth Plan. For the first 6 months of the year I did nothing. Then I remembered that I had wanted to do this so I asked my mentor if she would help me--basically by giving me a weekly deadline so I would force myself to do it because while I don't seem to mind letting myself down, I really don't like letting other people down. I know, I really should have more respect for myself, but I'm just being honest about how I roll. I need lots of accountability or I will completely derail.

So this wicked smaaahht lady starts memorizing a few verses every week with me and now, a year and a half later, I feel amazed at what we've accomplished. Not that I want to be a walking Bible Dictionary, but I can tell you that this has become one of the best spiritual disciplines for helping me change. It's like God's voice infiltrating my soul. God's voice is waaaaay better than mine, let me tell you. If you really knew what my voice said half the time you'd really support my decision to replace that with something better.

There's some stuff on there that didn't even come close to happening. I started out great, but something happened and I fell off the track. Like exercising 10 minutes/day. It sounded so easy. Only 10 minutes a day! I was terrible about doing this. So I look at that and realize that exercising at home is a losing battle for me. I'm too distractible and can think of a million other things to do besides exercise. This year I joined a gym and had been going until the whole foot mole thing. (And by the way I feel like CRAP when I don't exercise so I'm motivated to start back up as soon as I can!)

I like to think of my New Year's Resolutions as an annual reboot. I like to start fresh and go hard after all of my goals all at once. The beauty of this for me is that I'm kind of an all-or-nothing person so let's say I only pick one thing. Let's call that thing "exercise." And let's say that something happens like I have stitches on the bottom of my foot and can't exercise for 10-14 days. If that was my only resolution I would be done. I would probably wallow in my failure and give up right then and there. (I was kind of sad and despondent for a few days, but that also could have been my period talking.)

Instead, I shift gears and work on other things like my goal of writing regularly and my goal of extreme grocery savings, which included reorganizing my pantry so that I know what we have and get better at using things up, and my goal of reading through the Bible in a Year, and my goal of calling my grandmas regularly.

Now that I think about it, if I ever get to the end of the year and feel satisfied that I have arrived, it's probably time to check out of this place and go live in glory. So for now I'm satisfied to be in process and achieving small victories and figuring out what my purpose is this year and even just today. So go ahead and reboot with me...we'll probably crash sometime this year, but maybe a few of our files will be recovered and we'll still have something to work with.

Found this quote and had to add it:

‎"I am not what I ought to be. I am not what I want to be. I am not what I hope to be. But still, I am not what I used to be. And by the grace of God, I am what I am."
... John Newton (1725-1807)